Why Choose Me As Your Officiant?

There are many Officiants and Ministers around and about and I have no idea of what you are looking for.  What I can tell you is what I do, how I build a ceremony, and why.

My focus is always on the couple for whom I am creating the ceremony.  I have to know something about them, their beliefs, background, family, relationships, how they think, how, when and where they met and how they really feel about each other.

When I sit and talk to a couple for an hour it’s easy for me to determine where they are coming from and what they envision on their wedding day.  Not being one to trust my memory, I have created a form I fill out with them to cover the pertinent information.

Right off the bat, when I ask for their address, I know if they are living together which could open up an interesting conversation.

Another leading question is to inquire if their parents will attend the ceremony.  Then I know to ask if they want to honor the parents or mothers during the service or would a memorial be more appropriate.  Maybe one or all are remarried and, if so, are they all talking to each other? 

The next obvious item is about children.  There could be his, hers and theirs and will they attend?  If the children attend will they be included in the proceedings?  The usual recommendation is to include all children. However, in some instances, inclusion would not be for the highest good of all involved.

Are there favorite people, relatives or friends, who are not in the wedding party for one reason or another that the couple would wish to honor or mention somehow?  There are several ways that could be easily accomplished.  There could be a verbal tribute or a flower given as a gift; the person could come forward and read a verse, a personal poem, sing or play an instrument.

And we haven’t even gotten into the actual ceremony yet!

I have to say 2 things right here right now.  1, I love doing weddings.  I’ve been often told that my passion shows.  2, each and every fully personalized ceremony, written by me is not like any other ceremony that I have ever performed. 

Every thought, prayer, message, passage, poem, blessing and announcement must match the couple for whom I will pronounce husband and wife.  A marriage is a life changing event.  Even when the couple has been living together, something changes within them.  They are not and will never be the same again.  Ever.  This responsibility is serious and I definitely take it personally.

I have created brand new additions that fulfill a request from the bride or groom.  For instance – one bride wanted to create a time box to be opened on their first anniversary.  Another unique event was a surprise wedding when I appeared as another BBQ guest until the right time and then set the stage for the ceremony complete with wishing stones.

There have been several religions and cultures woven into a single wedding tapestry; prayers for atheists; house blessings incorporated and weddings that have followed funerals and national disasters.

Every component is weighed and measured to see if it fits the couple.  Parts are deleted, new ones created, phrases rewritten, words pondered over.  You should see the condition of my current thesaurus! It’s my most prized book.

When the realization dawned on me of what was constantly occurring, it became a new tag line: For a ceremony as unique as you!  And that is what I love to do. 

I love to meet with the couple.  Hear what they have to say.  Ask questions.  Listen some more.  Observe their interactions. Watch their reactions.  Add it all up using intuition as the common denominator.  All of the above is brought into a meditative state and out pops a brand new unique ceremony written with a passion that shines through the bride and groom and overflows to each and every guest.

There is no one in the world quite like you.  There is not another couple quite like you and your fiancé.  And YOU deserve a ceremony as unique as you!

Premarital Counseling

I’ve noticed lately that more couples are asking about pre-marital counseling. It’s always a good idea to get everything out in the open and sometimes we need a little help looking inside to see what is there.

The first question I ask couples when they come to me for counseling is, “Why do you want to get married?” And believe me, “Because we’re in love” is not a good enough answer. There are many couples who love each other dearly and at the same time simply can not manage to live together.

Most parents love their children deeply but really would prefer not to live with them their whole entire lives. You may be sad when a child leaves home but it’s often best for all concerned when they do.

So, why do you want to get married? To allow you to live together legally or to have legal control over another person is an answer but do you want that kind of life? Really?

Look inside yourself and ask, “What is my motive? What is the foundation of this relationship?” If you don’t know or aren’t sure, keep looking. It’s okay to ask for help in this area and most essential to be honest with yourself.

Let me give you an analogy. If you were going to build a house to live in, you first have to lay the foundation. In order to lay the foundation, you have to know what the foundation will have to support. You don’t need steel I-beams and thick cement to build an 8x10 wood shed. You do need more than a few 2x4s laid on the ground to support a 10 story building.

What is your purpose for getting married? What is your most inner motive?

Marriage is not about sacrifice or compromise or doing without or what you can put up with. If you’re focusing on what you’re going to lose you aren’t considering what you are going to gain or become in creating a new family.

We often refer to a husband or a wife as a mate. In Australia, a mate is a best friend. When you have a best friend, you take care of them, you love them as they are (without trying to change them or make them better). You accept their faults as well as their good points. You can also give them a good talking to when they need it without fear of them running away or you getting poked.

My best advise it to treat your mate as your best and closest friend. Be honest. Take care of them. Don’t put up with anything hurtful. Treat them like you want to be treated. Have no expectations. Love them exactly as they are right now. And treat yourself the same way. Being your own best friend teaches you how to be a best friend to someone else, to your mate.

5 Ways to Keep Your Wedding Guests Happy

As you probably know, your guests just want to have a great time at your wedding. However, you'll need to do more than throw a great party to keep them really happy. Here are a few tips to be sure your guests have an awesome time from your engagement announcement until the end of your wedding:

1. Don't choose a bad date. You could choose Super Bowl Sunday as your wedding date. But if you do, don't be surprised if some of the groomsmen seem a little distracted throughout the ceremony. Your guests will be much happier if you stay away from big holidays or national events where people may already have plans. Additionally, check your community calendar to be sure you're not competing with major events such as a city festival or parade.
2. Create -- and maintain-- your wedding website. Just like your registry, you should set up your website early. Include the information from your invitations and anything extra such as things to do, hotel info, registry info, what to pack (if you're having a destination wedding) and even details about your bridal party. Once you have everything set up, the main thing is to keep it updated.
3. Start your ceremony on time. And write the real time on the invitation. Believe that your guests will arrive on time to your wedding and that you don't need to write 3:30 PM on the invitation when you're planning to begin at 4 PM. Yes, there may be stragglers but sticking with your time frame will keep the guests who are on time happy.
4. Don't ask them to spend money at the wedding. Whether it's paying for parking or having a cash bar, asking guests to spend is a big don't. All ceremony and reception costs should be taken care of. If the bar is too pricey, cut back by not offering liquor or hosting the wedding earlier in the day (when guests are likely to drink less).
5. Place them with people they know. Your wedding is not the time for you to be a matchmaker. Place your guests with their friends so they can converse freely the entire time. And if you must hook some folks up, introduce them to each other right after the wedding.

For 20 more ways to keep your wedding guests happy, check out 25 Ways to Keep Your Guests Happy.

As Unique As You

You’re getting married to the one person in the world who is totally right for you. You’re not the same, of course, but compatible enough and different enough to bring both longevity and excitement to your marriage. The day is fast approaching when you will be pronounced husband and wife. What will that special ceremony be like?

Keep in mind, that the few requirements are very simple – you both want to be married, you both want to be married to each other, you both want to be married to each other on the wedding date chosen, and you both agree to all of that. All the rest is fluff. You can do or say or sing whatever you like, or dance and wear a cake on your head if that’s what will make your day memorable.

What does the Officiant of choice offer to you? Can they make up a ceremony that is strictly unique to you and perhaps never before done? In other words, can you work with this person and feel comfortable to ask them what they know or if they will “do it your way”?

Many couples like to include a Unity Candle. You can have a candle with one wick and both of you light it at the same time. You can have one candle with two wicks and each light your own. How about having 2 pillar candles tied together? The candles could be different colors or the same color. They could be tied with a sash, twine, wide to narrow ribbon, two different color ribbons or many ribbons woven or braided together.

Wait! I’m not finished. The mothers could light your personal tapers at the start of the ceremony to symbolize giving you birth by lighting your light. You would use those candles to light the Unity Candle (of choice) and then leave your own candle lit to represent that you will continue as a whole person as you deepen your relationship with each other.

If there are children involved they could be included in the candle lighting. There is a beautifully choreographed move, quickly taught, in which all of you light the wick at exactly the same time that symbolizes all of you becoming one family. Or for something totally different, use floating candles.

And that’s just exploring the possibilities of candle lighting.

When the couples that I marry want to include sand pouring to represent themselves becoming one as the grains of sand mix and mingle to become inseparable I suggest they each choose their own particular color. At the appropriate time, as they are about to pour and blend the sand, I speak of each color, what it means and how it perfectly represents the person.

The sand pouring is a great ceremony to add when children are involved. They each have their own color which has its own meaning. Each child is called by name and their virtues made known.

In one wedding I performed, both the bride and groom had 3 sons ranging in age from 6 to 12 which meant 8 people would be pouring sand. (Could be a masterpiece or could be a mess!) With a little planning and a lot of rehearsing it was a masterpiece. I’ll tell you how we engineered it.

Each one knew their color and exactly where it would be placed on the oblong table. The ornamental bowl was in the middle. The bride stood at the left end of the table, the groom stood at the right end of the table. Her 3 boys stood at one length of the table and his 3 boys on the other side of the table.

The father/groom poured half of his sand and the mother/bride poured half of her sand into the ornamental bowl. As each boy’s name was called he poured all of his sand into the bowl. When all the boys had their turn, the bride and groom poured their remaining sand at the same time into the bowl. I’m sure you understand the symbolism. It was a magnificent masterpiece! We concluded with a hand holding ceremony in which all 8 of them formed a circle around the table by holding each other’s hand while a poem was read.

There are dozens and dozens of ceremonies you can include to have a uniquely you wedding. Without going into detail there is water pouring and drinking, wine pouring and drinking, glass breaking, wishing stones, broom jumping, giving of coins, several with flowers, roses being a favorite.

You can add Memorials to call to mind and honor those that have passed on. A Memorial may also be for those who cannot attend for whatever reason. There are many versions of Parental Honoring and others in praise of mothers.

The above barely skims the surface. In this year of possibilities there is no end to the list of ways to personalize your ceremony in the manner in which suits you best. Just ask and you shall receive.

These Are The Hands

Have you ever given much thought to your hands? I mean besides noticing they’re dry or rough and reaching for the lotion. Well, I was thinking about mine and not only what they do for me but how many times hands are referred to in everyday speech.

“Give me a hand” really means that I’d like your help with this, whereas “Give her a hand!” probably means to applaud the lady. OK, applaud is often said as, “Put your hands together now…” to show that you liked or agreed with what the person did or said.

How about “show me your hands”? That depends on who said it. Was it a cop or a mom? “You’re pretty handy” is a complement for completing a project of some kind from knitting to decorating a cake to hanging a picture or tearing down a wall.

Two sayings come to mind – “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” warns you not to hurt the very person who is helping you, and, “The only way to hold onto love is with an open hand” which translates to when you truly love someone you’ll give them the freedom to live their own life while you’re living your life to the fullest.

What picture comes to mind when I say:

• Take my hand
• Hold you in my hands
• Strong hands
• Tiny hands
• Hold hands
• Loving hands
• Hand of compassion
• Gentle hands
• Shake hands
• Shaking hands

In many of the weddings I write the couples request a Hand Holding or a Hand Fasting ceremony (2 totally different additions). Brides and grooms want to exalt hands because that is often and usually the first form of physical contact made between two people and they want to honor their first contact.

Let me share with you one of the poems I use in a hand holding ceremony. I did not originally write this and truthfully have no idea who did, but, here it is. You may want to incorporate it into your wedding ceremony.

These Are The Hands

These are the hands that will work along side you as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with love for you.

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

And so, my friend, if I can ever be of service to you, I extend to you my hand.

The Perfect Wedding

Many, many people strive for perfection. Some claim that it can’t be reached. I say, it depends upon your definition of perfection. I’ll tell you a true story.

Somewhere between a few years back and a long time ago, my daughter decided to get married in a traditional way – white gown, bridal party, church wedding, dinner, and a reception with music and dancing. This is what we took as our tradition; the tradition of our personal culture.

Her father and I had been divorced for several years, had ignored our differences and could actually speak politely to each other. He had agreed to help pay for the wedding with certain stipulations. One of his requests was that only he would walk our daughter down the aisle, not both of us as our daughter had wanted.

He did walk her down the aisle, just the two of them. We moved me over a little in the picture and I escorted my two ring bearing grandsons down the aisle. Both my daughter and I felt fine about the arrangement.

He had a few other “rules and regulations” about the affair which could have put a dent in the festivities if we gave them the power to do so.

I could see how the event was starting to shape up and which could culminate in arguments and hurt feelings. So I took the bull by the horns and changed my mind right then and there. I decided that this was going to be a Perfect Wedding no matter what happened.

And it was!

Let me repeat that. I decided that it would be a perfect wedding and it was.

Looking back on that day, there were several incidents which could have spoiled the event but I had already made my decision and stuck with it. I was going to be happy. I was going to have a good time. I was going to enjoy myself. I could still take care of issues and problems. I could still get called off the dance floor to settle a question or solve a predicament (and I was).

In fact, I went to the extreme in my imagination and visioned myself dancing in a beautiful dress and someone ripping my dress off on the dance floor! In my mind, I kept right on dancing and smiling. I had decided that nothing, no thing and no one would have the power to mar the celebration.

It was a perfect day. It was a perfect wedding.

You can have the same. Decide that whatever happens, it will be perfect. Laugh at whatever comes up and keep on dancing. It will be perfect!

How To Write a Wedding Ceremony

You may be thinking about writing your own wedding ceremony and wondering what needs to be in it to pronounce you husband and wife. Here it is – you both have to want to marry the other person, admit it, and accept the other person as your spouse.

If you also want the marriage to be legal, you have to have a valid marriage license (see the requirements on another page), have a qualified Officiant present and have it all witnessed by 2 living people.

That is it! Everything else is fluff. There are no magic words. You can say “I do” anyway you want.

Some religions say you have to do it a certain way. If you want to get married in that religion then that’s the way you have to do it. If you don’t want to have those particular words said then you can find another way and have the ceremony some place else. If you insist on getting married in a church, there are churches that will rent their space. A wedding does not have to be in a church, temple, or any specific place to make it holy, sacred, or legal.

If you would like to know how a traditional wedding service goes so that you have an outline to work with, I’ll give you the outline. Just know that you can change any part and move items around to suit yourself. It’s your ceremony.

You start the actual ceremony with the Convocation which is also called the Welcome. That calls everyone together and tells them that they are there because the two of you love each other so much that you want to be married.

The Invocation calls on God, Universal Love, Radiant Presence, or highest dimension of self to place the participants in a reflective and receptive state.

Personal stories, honoring of people who could not attend which is also called a Memorial, and asking “who gives this woman to this man in marriage” is next. You could also have one or more parents light candles at this time.

A Reading of prose, poetry, Bible verse, a contemporary or original writing may be read by someone you would like to honor, or a live singer could dedicate a song to you. (I don’t recommend a recorded version.)

Now comes my favorite part called the Address. It’s where I get to say my blah-de-blah about all the important things you should know before you go any further.

Another reading, additional ceremony, or song could be added here.

If you’re spiritual you may want to include the Consecration which brings the service to a sacred level.

The Expression of Intent is one of the primary factors. It’s when the couple publicly states the intention of their commitment to marriage.

The following 3 components could be combined or be separate: the Blessing or Presentation of the Rings, the Vows, and the Exchange of Rings.

A word about the vows – a vow is what each one of you is offering or promising to the other. If you want to write your own vow, think about what this marriage to this person means to you. What are you offering of yourself to the marriage?

There must also be a place where each person is asked if they, in fact, accept the other person as their spouse, their mate, their partner. Yes, you do have to give them a moment to think about it and answer.

The rings are a token of the vows and a symbol of the love that is shared between two people. A ring is a circle which has no beginning and no end which represents the thought that giving and receiving are the same.

The Pronouncement of Marriage is the public declaration of the formal bonding of husband and wife.

The Kiss, which is most important, seals the deed (so make it a good one).

To round it all out is the Final Blessing or Benediction. This can also be spoken by someone you wish to honor by having them take part in the ceremony.

The Announcement of Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so could be added, saved for the reception or proclaimed in both places.

You can also include all kinds of extra special ceremonies like sand pouring, hand holding or hand fasting, candle lighting, wishing stones, coins, broom jumping, glass breaking, bread eating, flower sharing, etc. You could add something special and unique to the two of you. Just give your Officiant an idea of what you want and she will invent a new tradition for you.

This is the bottom line – it is your wedding, have it as you wish. It will be the Perfect Ceremony for you.

Dare To Be Different

I’ve been writing and performing some out-of-the-box weddings lately that are inspiring as well as unusual. I’ll tell you about a few of the most recent ones.

A man proposed to the love of his life in the morning. She called me shortly after noon to ask if I would do a wedding on short notice. They applied for and received their license and were married IN a lake that evening of the same day.

I’ll explain a little. The couple wanted a serene outdoor setting and chose one of NC’s beautiful near-by lakes. Attending the service would be the couple, her 2 children and 2 friends as witnesses. As soon as we arrived at the location, the children couldn’t resist the welcoming water, kicked off their shoes and waded in. They didn’t want to come out! So the bride took off her shoes (and pantyhose) and strolled in too. The groom decided it looked like a good idea, popped off his shoes, rolled up his pant legs and meandered in after them. There was no way I was going to stand on the shore so I joined the 4 of them in the water and we laughed all the way through the ceremony. The 2 witnesses dutifully recorded it all on film.

The next outdoor wedding was to take place in a magnificent garden complete with gazebo, pond, foot bridge, exotic flowers and manicured lawn. And then it started to sprinkle. We waited for awhile but the clouds insisted on kissing us with its moisture. The bride remained focused on her garden dream wedding. The chairs were wiped off, umbrellas provided and the wedding party processed in between the raindrops. No one really got wet, just delightfully cooled.

The very next day was a wedding in front of a log cabin. We still had clouds but their purpose was to shield the sun. This was another perfect nature setting. The green lawn sported white chairs draped with golden bows. The center aisle held a white carpet strewn with flower petals. At the end of the aisle stood an exquisite arch covered in flowers and positioned between 2 deep pink crepe myrtle trees in full bloom. On either side of the archway were 2 white columns standing as sentinels, topped with lacy ferns. The bride’s gown was elegant in its simplicity, gently decorated with pearls to match her single string pearl necklace. The ceremony included a hand fasting which extended into a hand holding ceremony. It was just the right touch without being overdone. After the service, a lavish feast of homemade treats was served on the back deck.

The point to remember is, “Whatever you can conceive can be achieved.” In my book, the impossible only takes a little longer.

Ways To Personalize Your Wedding

Planning a wedding yourself can be very challenging, but there are plenty of advantages that will come along with it. There's nothing else that will make your wedding so you than working on details yourself. You can make your wedding more personalized by doing it yourself, and by considering the following ways below:

Through your wedding invitations...

You can personalize your wedding through wedding invitations that could be handmade or feature a several details about you and your husband-to-be. Don't limit yourself to monograms alone, because there so many personalized ideas you can use to create a more personal invitation. You may consider folded origami-style invites that would look like a crane once folded. Or you can use calligraphy for a small monogramming. There are even wedding invitations that feature a brief story of how the bride met his groom, while there are others that go beyond that story. Just think of possible ideas you can include to your invitations in advance.

Through your wedding songs...

Another common way to personalize your wedding is through your wedding songs. Compile some of your favorite songs that will be played on the day of your wedding. You can have some songs played during the wedding entourage or in some parts of the wedding ceremony, while the rest are to be played at the wedding reception. Pick songs that you both like and have inspired you throughout your relationship.

Through your wedding decorations...

Use your photos to create personalized touches on your wedding centerpieces. For example, you can use photo glass vases to hold flowers on each table. These photo glass vases are available in many online stores at relatively cheap prices. Or, you can include monograms to your place card holders and centerpieces if it is possible.

Through your wedding favors...

There are so many personalized wedding favors available today. These favors could be edible or non-edible, which can be personalized with your names or monograms, and wedding date. If you wish to make your own wedding favors at home, that would also be fine and a personalize idea as well. Personalized wedding favors could also be cheap monogrammed candles or soaps. If you want something elegant and classy, you can find engraved pewter favors. Almost everything can be personalized, it is all up to you to choose which is the best and personalize it with the right specifications.

Personalizing your wedding doesn't mean you have to spend a lot. If you can make some of your wedding supplies, feel free to do so. Personalized favors, and centerpieces could also be something inexpensive. You can find lots of cheap novelty items at your local thrift stores or online stores that can be personalized. You can find also personalized wedding favors on many e-stores that come with free engraving. You can really save a lot on these choices of wedding supplies, plus you'll get a chance to create additional an touch that reflects you and and your spouse-to-be.

Children In The Wedding Party

So, you’re thinking of having your 4 year old niece as the flower girl and your fiancé’s 5 year old twin nephews as ring bearers. After watching the children run around and rolling on the ground while they’re playing you’re having second thoughts. At the same time you don’t want to offend anyone in the family by not allowing the children walk down the aisle on your special day.

With a tiny bit of preparation it could work perfectly.

First off I highly recommend a rehearsal the day before the wedding. Children (and adults) feel much more secure knowing exactly where they are walking from, where they are walking to, where they will stand, how they will exit, and where they’ll go after they process out.

Second, have someone, who is not in the wedding party, assigned to the children. Sometimes when the child is very young the excitement can be overwhelming and they need to leave the room to be taken to a safe comfortable place where they can be calmed down. This seldom happens but it’s always nice to be prepared just in case.

Third, I favor the little ones sitting down after they walk in rather than standing up with the rest of the wedding party. However, at one wedding I performed, the 2 year old flower girl was the daughter of the Matron of Honor and the little one wanted to stand by her mother. Fine! The little girl simply got up from her chair, walked over to her mother and stood there, happy as could be. It was a nice added touch. It’s was better to let her stay then to try and convince her to take her seat.

Fourth, be prepared to go along with whatever the child or children would like to do (unless they’re screaming their heads off). Children are always cute no matter what they do (with the one screaming exception). At a recent wedding that I officiated at, the flower girl and the ring bearer started to walk in together as planned. But when the 4 year old boy saw the 6 year old flower girl dropping petals on the ground he stopped to pick them up and proceeded down the aisle after her, picking up each and every petal! When he finally reached the end of the aisle, he ran to his dad declaring, “Dad, I saved all the petals!!” Cute!

Fifth and most importantly, they are stepping outside of their box. Praise them and tell them what a great job they are doing and how important they are to the ceremony. They will never forget your sincere gratitude.

What is my guidance on having children in the wedding party? Go ahead. Be prepared. Give them directions. And let them be their beautiful, innocent selves.

Why You Should Start Your Wedding Planning Early

If you are a bride to be in 2010, here’s some top tips why you should start your planning early!

Get The Dates You Want

Remember, there are only 52 weeks in a year which means only 104 weekends to choose from! Take away all the inauspicious days in 2010 and you’re left with not much choice at all! Starting your planning early gives you a better chance at getting and securing the dates you want early.

Get The Venue You Want

There are lots of nice places to hold your wedding but chances are if you thought it was nice, so did a hundred other brides! Its no secret that some wedding venues get booked up to two years in advance so get in there early to choose your dream venue.

Get The Wedding Photographer You Want

Wedding photographers just used to be an add-on to your wedding checklist to document your wedding story as it unfolds. However, some popular wedding photographers today have become the main focus of the wedding with some brides willing to move their wedding dates just to suit the photographer’s availability! So if you simply must have that brilliant photographer, contact him or her and block off their calendar quickly! Most of them get fully booked a year and a half in advance or more for popular dates!

Once you’ve blocked off these big items, breathe and enjoy the rest of your wedding planning! If you haven’t, don’t fret…its just January 2010 but do make sure you get to it soon!

To Wear or Not To Wear - A White Wedding

As a little girl… or even now… I am sure that you have laid about dreaming of marrying Prince Charming, looking gorgeous in your wedding dress. Of course, what color is the wedding dress every time you do this? I am guessing that more often than not it happens to be white and not red like some santa suits. Millions of women and little girls dream of getting married in a fairytale white wedding dress. But wait. Where did a white dress come from and why is it so popular?

Believe it or not white wasn’t always the traditional color for getting married in. Honestly, the tradition of a white wedding dress hasn’t even been around for ages and ages. A white wedding dress is something that every girl is instinctively born with today. You can’t get married in anything but white. Well, while this may be true for some and not so for others, white is worn to symbolize the virtue of the women and to just carry on the tradition.

Not surprisingly, the white wedding dress came from a place full of legends, and where tradition is important. So, low and behold, the white wedding dress was started in the English Monarchy. Queen Victoria was the first “celebrity” that was looked up too, who wore a white wedding gown. Because of her, the popularity of white dresses has become a true tradition among women around the world.

The marriage of Albert of Saxe and Queen Victoria in 1840, was not surprising. The gown she wore though caused quite a stir. It was considered flamboyant and did not start the white wedding gown tradition instantly. Many of the upper class women though, saw this as a unique fashion statement and had no issues in copying the Queen by marrying in white dresses.

A white wedding dress though was worn to show wealth. Virtue was not in the meaning at all. If you could get married in a elegant white gown then you had to have money. White was not easy to clean, so a white wedding dress was something that you most definitely weren’t going to wear again. Spending money on a white gown was something that only the wealthy could do.

Only the wealthy and vain women insisted on being married in white. Most women still married in dresses of different colors and styles after Queen Victoria’s fashion statement. During the Edwardian times however, the white wedding dress gained popularity once more when Coco Chanel unleashed its brand new design….. a knee-length wedding gown, with a huge train in none other than white.

During the world wars though, most women couldn’t afford to wear white. Most just wore whatever they had when they were married. Only the rich kept wearing white wedding dresses. After the 1950’s though many Hollywood stars and royalty still wore white at their weddings. This sealed the deal and tradition of being married in white.

Wedding Rings - the Tradition

One of the earliest symbols of marriage, and one that we still use today, is the wedding ring. You may well ask, “But how did it start?”

Centuries ago in Egypt, rings were twisted or braided from reeds - the same reeds from which Egyptian “paper” or papyrus was made. Since a ring (or circle) has no beginning and no end, it represented eternity. The center hole symbolized things known and unknown. When a lover gave a ring, it was in the hopes that the love would be eternal, without end, like the ring. The problem was that the reed ring would only last about a year at best.

When metal was introduced, iron became the chosen material. The ring now had the added symbol of strength. The strong man gave his woman the iron ring so their love would have the strength of iron. But, eventually the iron ring rusted.

Before coinage, the legal tender was gold rings. If a man gave a woman a gold ring, it proved that he trusted her with his wealth. The chosen woman would wear the marriage ring on the third finger of the left hand because it was believed that a vein traveled from that finger directly to the heart.

Along comes Maxmillian, the Archduke of Austria. He desired Mary of Burgundy as his wife and wanted to give her a gift she couldn’t refuse. Upon consulting his counselors, he was advised to give her a diamond ring. He did. She accepted. And thus, the precedent was set for diamond rings as engagement rings.

Many gems were rare, but the diamond was chosen because it was the stone of Venus, the Goddess of Love – and rightly so, because the brilliant diamond carried a fire in its depths that would go on forever.

However, diamonds were so rare that they were only available to the very rich, until the 1800’s, when a huge diamond mine was discovered in South Africa. Several decades later, in the 1900’s, a method was devised to cut the stones in little pieces and mass market them to the general public. Now it was possible for almost anyone to buy a diamond ring. It might be miniscule, but it WAS a diamond - proof of unending love.

In this fast-changing world, I wonder when it will become common for women to give men diamond engagement rings?

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