Personalize Your Ceremony

Besides writing your own vows and talking about how you met and what you plan for your married life, you could also consider any of the 8 enhancements I have already written about: candle lighting, sand pouring, honoring parents or mothers, giving the rose of love, adding a healing or blessing, including children and wishing stones.

Two others are becoming very popular at the moment. They are Hand Fasting and Sharing Wine together. Both come from ancient traditions.

Let me say something about that right now – ancient traditions. Many of today’s weddings are bi-cultural as well as interfaith marriages. Consider what is in your ancestry. What makes up your family’s history? What have you ever dreamed of including in your wedding? Now is the time to bring it forward. It’s YOUR ceremony!

Hand Fasting is where the expression “tie the knot” came from. Although today when I’m including it in the ceremony, I simply drape the ribbon(s) across the couple’s hands for a few moments.

Hand Fasting is often preceded by a Hand Holding, where the couple joins hands while gazing into each other’s eyes as I read a poem about love or about hands. At this point there are usually a few sniffles heard around the room. (And I always carry a clean handkerchief to hand to the bride OR groom when necessary.)

The vows can also be spoken during the Hand Fasting. First the groom would be asked a question like “will you honor this woman all the days of your life?” Then the bride is asked a similar question i.e. “will you honor this man all the days of your life?” Then one ribbon is draped with the words, “And so the binding is made” pronounced by me.

There are usually 4 to 6 questions and ribbons draped. The ribbons can reflect the colors chosen for the wedding. It’s all very beautiful and coordinated.

If you’re more of an Earth oriented nature the ribbons could be draped while each of the directions are mentioned as in Native American or similar traditions.

Sharing Wine is always fun and can be done several ways. Instead of having a bottle of wine, I suggest a carafe of wine or 2 carafes, one for the groom and one for the bride. If one glass is used, they would each pour their wine into the common glass. The glass could be offered to or held for the other.

Or two glasses could be used. The groom would pour his wine into the bride’s glass and she would pour her wine into his glass. They could intertwine arms as they drink.

What’s in your ancestry – wearing kilts, giving coins, jumping brooms, drawing circles, flower wreaths, breaking a glass or plate, floating candles, or something entirely different? You could create a new tradition!

As Unique As You

You’re getting married to the one person in the world who is totally right for you. You’re not the same, of course, but compatible enough and different enough to bring both longevity and excitement to your marriage. The day is fast approaching when you will be pronounced husband and wife. What will that special ceremony be like?

Keep in mind, that the few requirements are very simple – you both want to be married, you both want to be married to each other, you both want to be married to each other on the wedding date chosen, and you both agree to all of that. All the rest is fluff. You can do or say or sing whatever you like, or dance and wear a cake on your head if that’s what will make your day memorable.

What does the Officiant of choice offer to you? Can they make up a ceremony that is strictly unique to you and perhaps never before done? In other words, can you work with this person and feel comfortable to ask them what they know or if they will “do it your way”?

Many couples like to include a Unity Candle. You can have a candle with one wick and both of you light it at the same time. You can have one candle with two wicks and each light your own. How about having 2 pillar candles tied together? The candles could be different colors or the same color. They could be tied with a sash, twine, wide to narrow ribbon, two different color ribbons or many ribbons woven or braided together.

Wait! I’m not finished. The mothers could light your personal tapers at the start of the ceremony to symbolize giving you birth by lighting your light. You would use those candles to light the Unity Candle (of choice) and then leave your own candle lit to represent that you will continue as a whole person as you deepen your relationship with each other.

If there are children involved they could be included in the candle lighting. There is a beautifully choreographed move, quickly taught, in which all of you light the wick at exactly the same time that symbolizes all of you becoming one family. Or for something totally different, use floating candles.

And that’s just exploring the possibilities of candle lighting.

When the couples that I marry want to include sand pouring to represent themselves becoming one as the grains of sand mix and mingle to become inseparable I suggest they each choose their own particular color. At the appropriate time, as they are about to pour and blend the sand, I speak of each color, what it means and how it perfectly represents the person.

The sand pouring is a great ceremony to add when children are involved. They each have their own color which has its own meaning. Each child is called by name and their virtues made known.

In one wedding I performed, both the bride and groom had 3 sons ranging in age from 6 to 12 which meant 8 people would be pouring sand. (Could be a masterpiece or could be a mess!) With a little planning and a lot of rehearsing it was a masterpiece. I’ll tell you how we engineered it.

Each one knew their color and exactly where it would be placed on the oblong table. The ornamental bowl was in the middle. The bride stood at the left end of the table, the groom stood at the right end of the table. Her 3 boys stood at one length of the table and his 3 boys on the other side of the table.

The father/groom poured half of his sand and the mother/bride poured half of her sand into the ornamental bowl. As each boy’s name was called he poured all of his sand into the bowl. When all the boys had their turn, the bride and groom poured their remaining sand at the same time into the bowl. I’m sure you understand the symbolism. It was a magnificent masterpiece! We concluded with a hand holding ceremony in which all 8 of them formed a circle around the table by holding each other’s hand while a poem was read.

There are dozens and dozens of ceremonies you can include to have a uniquely you wedding. Without going into detail there is water pouring and drinking, wine pouring and drinking, glass breaking, wishing stones, broom jumping, giving of coins, several with flowers, roses being a favorite.

You can add Memorials to call to mind and honor those that have passed on. A Memorial may also be for those who cannot attend for whatever reason. There are many versions of Parental Honoring and others in praise of mothers.

The above barely skims the surface. In this year of possibilities there is no end to the list of ways to personalize your ceremony in the manner in which suits you best. Just ask and you shall receive.

A Conversation With God

I’ve been reading Neale Donald Walsch’s book, “Friendship with God”. Neale is the one who wrote the original “Conversations with God” books.

I had my own conversation with God this morning as I sat in meditation. I saw myself “baring my soul” standing before God, wondering why I wasn’t making more of myself, why I wasn’t “advancing” more rapidly, asking how I could be bigger-better-stay-centered-longer, etc.

God listened and then stepped inside of me to have a look around. His reply was, “Everything looks fine to me. Nothing wrong here. Nothing to be fixed.”

He invited me to sit down at this little round café table and have a cup of coffee; to take a moment to chat. I’m not going to argue with God! I like coffee. I can sit and chat; take a moment with my BFF.

God talked to me in pictures. She showed me myself scrambling up a mountain, slipping in mud and sliding down. The frame froze while she looked at me. The unspoken questions were: What now? What are you going to do? What does this mean?

The answer was, “When you find yourself sliding around in mud, play in the mud and enjoy yourself”! If you find yourself up to your ears, splash around and make the best of it – the absolute BEST of it. You have the free choice to laugh or cry. Why, in heaven’s name, would you cry when you can laugh? Why struggle when you can play?

I remember a scene from a Harry Potter movie where Harry, Hermione, and Ron fell down a hole and were entangled in roots that were trying to choke them. Ron was fighting with all of his might to get out and only succeeded in being choked tighter.

Hermione kept saying to relax, relax. As she gave up any thoughts of struggle and relaxed her mind and muscle, she slipped right through the roots to freedom. It seems that struggle only begets more struggle. Or, what you resist persists.

God was telling me that I was fine; there was no thing wrong with me, my situation, or anyone else for that matter. Make the BEST of where you are. Embrace the moment. Love it and forgive it (and yourself too). Above all enjoy yourself. Joy is God’s middle name.

DIY - Perform Your Own Personal Ceremony

Do It Yourself. I’ve been a Do It Yourselfer for longer than I can remember. So, it’s easy for me to understand when a person wants to do things for themselves. In fact, I heartily encourage it. I would rather show you how to fish than to give you a fish.

We’re talking about personal ceremonies not legal ceremonies like marriages. Let me give you a few examples of a personal ceremony.

Family Reunions. Those can be joyous or deadly. There was a person who called me dreading her family getting together for a holiday because there was always bickering and back stabbing. As much as she wanted to visit with her relatives, she was that reluctant to go. It also involved a trip of a thousand miles which made it impossible for me to be there.

The solution: I wrote a ceremony for her that she could orchestrate herself. It went so smoothly and beautifully that several family members that I had never met wrote and told me how bonding it was.

End of a relationship. A man had broken up with his live-in partner of several years. He still felt the presence of his partner and wanted to free himself, take back his own space, and at the same time, honor the fun times that were shared. I wrote a ceremony for one. It worked.

Here’s what I can offer you: I will write any type of personal ceremony with clear and concise directions that you or a person of your choosing can easily perform. This is not a legal ceremony. It’s strictly a ceremony or a celebration for you and your family or friends. All ceremonies are personalized and written with your wants, needs and desires in mind. The following is a partial list limited only by your imagination:

New Years Celebration
Burning Bowl
Forgiveness
Family Reunions
House Blessings
Reclaiming Your Space
Release of a Relationship
Starting Over
Your Choice……..

Make your request on the Contact form. I will get back to you to discuss the details. The modest fee of $100 may be paid through PayPal.

What's a Personal Ceremony?

A personal ceremony is one that’s created just for you, your needs, your wishes. Maybe you have something to release and you want to do it in a profound and important way. Have a ceremony!

There are two recent situations that have come up that are great examples of out-of-the-box ceremonies that resulted in healing and happiness. One was created to clear emotional and physical abuse from the psyche and to clear the way for a new loving relationship. What a great event!

Another situation had to do with healing and re-bonding an entire family. A client came to me dreading a family reunion that was to occur the following month. She told me that it seemed as if every time her relatives would get together, there would be bickering, back stabbing, dredging up the past, and hateful comments.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about - if it hasn’t happened in your family, it’s happened to someone you know or you’ve seen it on TV. Have you ever noticed when you’re watching a family squabble on TV it’s funny, but when it happens to you it’s not?

So, she HAD to go to this family reunion or she’d never hear the end of it (you know how that goes as well, I’m sure).

I asked for a great deal of information so that I could get to the core of the situation and create a ceremony that everyone would take part in, not be too far out, be meaningful, not offensive, yet accomplish the desired results. She wanted everyone to get along and to appreciate each other.

There was one more ingredient. The reunion was several states away and I would not be able to be present. No problem. The solution was a conference room and a speaker phone.

I produced a forgiveness and an appreciation ceremony based on Ho’oponopono and the Burning Bowl. Did it work? Rather than take my word of “Yes, it was a huge success,” let me copy here a note I received from one of the relatives:

Dear Rev. Phran,

Thank you for taking the time out of your weekend to conduct that ‘cleansing experience.’ My wife and I found it very helpful to ‘erase our blackboard.’ It truly rounded out the celebration for the family! We really appreciate the time, effort, and leadership you gave to us and our family. God bless you!

Sincerely,
Ron & Debbie S.

Whatever you would like to celebrate, clear, cleanse, release, or forgive, I can write a personal ceremony about it for you – which is a perfect way to mark the event with a positive and momentous experience!