Freedom

Every summer we celebrate our independence, our freedom. We make lots of noise by shooting off fireworks and invite great crowds of people to watch us do it. To make sure we remember we’re free we created a holiday called the Fourth of July, less we forget.

Forgetting seems to be a popular way of life. So many people live their lives in a perpetual state of forgetfulness. We’re reminded once a year to be thankful, to give gifts, to send cards, to say “I love you”, to remember our mother and our father.

OK. So we get busy and forget things. But it appears to me that what we’re forgetting is what really matters and what we actually fill our days with is insignificant.

Let’s go back to the original thought of freedom. How free are you? What is freedom anyway? I’m talking about true freedom on the inside like the freedom of a small child. Think about it. When a child is hungry it eats. When a child has had enough to eat it stops eating.

The fact that you may have been slaving away all day to prepare their food is not in their consciousness. As a result, they feel no guilt. They’re full, they stop. Sure we could try to force them to “have a little more, its good for you.” They know it isn’t.

My son and 2 of his friends created the Fun Cult. The three of them were all full adults at the time and realized how seldom people felt free enough to simply play. All games have rules so they made up 3 rules which were: 1, have fun. 2, if your fun is getting in the way of someone else’s fun go have your fun somewhere else. 3, safety. They were adamant about the order. Fun first.

You may worry about what people are going to say if you’re going around being free and having fun all the time. Speaking from experience, I’ll tell you what people will say. They’ll say, “I wish I could do that.”

Being free and living a life of freedom is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with money, job, position, health, wealth or family ties. It has nothing to do with education or lack of one or the 3 r’s – reading, riting, rithmetic.

I’ll tell you what freedom is not. Freedom is not ugly, boring, hurtful, hateful, gory, garish or unkind. Freedom is not putting yourself down and not putting anyone else down either. Freedom is taking care of yourself, loving yourself just as you are, bumps, warts, bags and sags.

Freedom is lifting up, dancing in the rain, laughing at the clouds, spinning in circles if you want to spin in circles. Freedom is being truthful with kindness. Freedom is taking turns which means that sometimes you do come first. Freedom is sharing without short changing yourself.

Freedom starts with me. Same as everything else in my world. When I let myself be free it also gives you permission to be free. When you’re free you give permission for her to be free. When she’s free she gives permission for him to be free. When he and she and them and those are free, well, we’re talking the whole world here aren’t we. And to think it all started with me being free. Who knew?

The Beauty of The Dance

Let’s talk a moment about life. I love to use analogies. To me life is like a dance.

There is a popular show on TV called “Dancing With the Stars”. You may have seen it. You may be one of the fans that watch it every week. When you simply watch the dancing you’re really not aware of all the hard work that goes into it. Done right the dance flows and looks easy.

You may look at someone else’s life and say the same. “Well, that’s easy for them to do, but, I could never do that, be that, act like that, etc.”

Everyone has their own way of dancing, their own style. We all have our own way of living, our own steps we take to accomplish a task.

To get back to life being like a dance – it never just goes in a straight line. At the very least it goes in a circle taking in the whole room. A dance never is completely still. There is always movement and the movement varies from a small step or a flutter of a hand, to a twirl, or a spin, or a dip.

Like life, dancing goes backward and forward, side to side. Sometimes you get your feet stepped on but you don’t punch the other person out because they stepped on your toes. You move away and keep dancing.

You may even fall down on the dance floor. What then? Do you lie there and moan making a fuss or do you get up again, dust yourself off and keep dancing?

I remember when I was taking Salsa lessons. The advanced members of the class were invited to be filmed while dancing in a beautiful lobby of a huge theater. Of course I went. I loved dancing plus the opportunity to dance in this particular building added to the excitement of being filmed.

There was a little flaw in my thinking. I was expecting a dance floor. Have you ever tried to slide or spin on a carpet? It doesn’t happen. Obviously, I must have had a huge scowl on my face showing all the complaints running around in my head. How could anyone dance under these conditions? What idiot put this mess together? Who on earth _________? Fill in the blank.

After one or two “not fun” dances no one wanted to dance with me. Hmmm, I wonder why? Things were not going my way and I was miffed to say the least.

Ever have a day like that? Of course. We all do. I did say life was like a dance.

Life is all about what you make of it. When the dance of life sweeps you off your feet, get up, dust your self off, find the beat, and start dancing again. if you just sit there on the dance floor you may get trampled by the dancers and then you’ll wonder what happened. Life happened while you weren’t looking.

Dance. However you dance will be beautiful because it’s your dance.

How To Write a Wedding Ceremony

You may be thinking about writing your own wedding ceremony and wondering what needs to be in it to pronounce you husband and wife. Here it is – you both have to want to marry the other person, admit it, and accept the other person as your spouse.

If you also want the marriage to be legal, you have to have a valid marriage license (see the requirements on another page), have a qualified Officiant present and have it all witnessed by 2 living people.

That is it! Everything else is fluff. There are no magic words. You can say “I do” anyway you want.

Some religions say you have to do it a certain way. If you want to get married in that religion then that’s the way you have to do it. If you don’t want to have those particular words said then you can find another way and have the ceremony some place else. If you insist on getting married in a church, there are churches that will rent their space. A wedding does not have to be in a church, temple, or any specific place to make it holy, sacred, or legal.

If you would like to know how a traditional wedding service goes so that you have an outline to work with, I’ll give you the outline. Just know that you can change any part and move items around to suit yourself. It’s your ceremony.

You start the actual ceremony with the Convocation which is also called the Welcome. That calls everyone together and tells them that they are there because the two of you love each other so much that you want to be married.

The Invocation calls on God, Universal Love, Radiant Presence, or highest dimension of self to place the participants in a reflective and receptive state.

Personal stories, honoring of people who could not attend which is also called a Memorial, and asking “who gives this woman to this man in marriage” is next. You could also have one or more parents light candles at this time.

A Reading of prose, poetry, Bible verse, a contemporary or original writing may be read by someone you would like to honor, or a live singer could dedicate a song to you. (I don’t recommend a recorded version.)

Now comes my favorite part called the Address. It’s where I get to say my blah-de-blah about all the important things you should know before you go any further.

Another reading, additional ceremony, or song could be added here.

If you’re spiritual you may want to include the Consecration which brings the service to a sacred level.

The Expression of Intent is one of the primary factors. It’s when the couple publicly states the intention of their commitment to marriage.

The following 3 components could be combined or be separate: the Blessing or Presentation of the Rings, the Vows, and the Exchange of Rings.

A word about the vows – a vow is what each one of you is offering or promising to the other. If you want to write your own vow, think about what this marriage to this person means to you. What are you offering of yourself to the marriage?

There must also be a place where each person is asked if they, in fact, accept the other person as their spouse, their mate, their partner. Yes, you do have to give them a moment to think about it and answer.

The rings are a token of the vows and a symbol of the love that is shared between two people. A ring is a circle which has no beginning and no end which represents the thought that giving and receiving are the same.

The Pronouncement of Marriage is the public declaration of the formal bonding of husband and wife.

The Kiss, which is most important, seals the deed (so make it a good one).

To round it all out is the Final Blessing or Benediction. This can also be spoken by someone you wish to honor by having them take part in the ceremony.

The Announcement of Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so could be added, saved for the reception or proclaimed in both places.

You can also include all kinds of extra special ceremonies like sand pouring, hand holding or hand fasting, candle lighting, wishing stones, coins, broom jumping, glass breaking, bread eating, flower sharing, etc. You could add something special and unique to the two of you. Just give your Officiant an idea of what you want and she will invent a new tradition for you.

This is the bottom line – it is your wedding, have it as you wish. It will be the Perfect Ceremony for you.

Destination Weddings - Are They For You?

Would you like to get married on your honeymoon? Destination weddings are becoming more and more popular with couples who are eager to skip the fuss of a traditional wedding and jump right into the fun. Around the world, you'll find hotels and resorts that offer on-site help to plan your wedding, from details like the wedding license to extras such as music and photos. Whether the special day involves just the two of you or whether you'll be inviting friends and relatives to join in the occasion, a destination wedding can be a way to create wonderful memories.

But, first, the down side. Destination weddings aren't for everyone. If you're in love with the idea of a large wedding with all your friends and family, skip this idea. Even with a year of planning, it's just about impossible to get everyone's schedules coordinated for this kind of event.

But many couples are saying "I do" to the idea of destination weddings not only as a way to make the occasion more special, but also as a means of simplifying the whole process. "Just say the word, and we'll take care of everything," explains Ava Burke-Thompson, Director of Guest Services at the Sheraton Grand Resort Paradise Island, Bahamas. "We can arrange for the marriage license; minister, priest or rabbi; the florist and the photographer; the wedding cake and champagne; and the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception."

At resorts like the Sheraton Grand, on site wedding coordinators take care of every last detail, some with just a one day notice. "We do it all the time," says Burke-Thompson. "It's now legally possible to get married in the Bahamas with 24 hours' notice."

POPULARITY OF DESTINATION WEDDINGS

Destination weddings have caught on for several reasons. According to hotels and resorts around the world, they're especially popular with:

* couples on a budget who don't want the expense of an elaborate wedding.
* couples who don't want the fuss of a wedding and all that goes with it at home.
* couples on their second marriage looking for something a little different.
* those on their second marriage who'll need to bring along children on the honeymoon. The children's programs at many resorts offer privacy for the couple and a chance to enjoy a vacation with their new family.
* couples who are bringing a small wedding party. Sometimes the bride and groom stay at one resort and the wedding party at a neighboring resort, giving everyone privacy.
* couples who are bringing a sizable wedding party and would like to take over a resort.


Many small resorts like Florida's Little Palm Island offer groups the option of taking over the entire property. This type of stay must be arranged far in advance. The wedding party has the run of the resort for their stay, with plenty of room to party and play. "Little Palm Island is a really private, secluded getaway for wedding groups," explains Susan Belanski, Director of Sales. "We close off the entire island." When wedding parties take over an entire property like Little Palm Island, regular house rules, such as no guests under age 16, are suspended so wedding parties can invite anyone of their choice.

DETAILS, DETAILS

Before you say "I do," plan to do a little research into the "do"s --and "don't"s -- of the local marriage laws. Many countries have loosened their marriage regulations, making it easier for foreigners to tie the knot. Even so, you'll need to do some research.

"The reason some couples have problems with their overseas wedding is that they are unfamiliar with the marriage laws, rules and regulations of where they want to be wed," explains Ruth Keusch, co-owner of Ottley's Plantation Inn, located in Caribbean federation of St. Kitts and Nevis. In researching your destination wedding, Keusch recommends that couples make sure they learn:

* if their home country will recognize a wedding in the designated country as valid.
* the minimum residency period before the marriage can be performed.
* what paperwork you'll need to bring from your hometown house of worship if you're planning a religious ceremony
* what proof is required if you're divorced or widowed
* if blood tests are required and, if so, if you can bring them from your home doctor or if must they be performed locally
* if there will be English-speaking staff members available to assist you
* costs and fees
* typical weather during the month of your wedding
* special hotel rates for members of the wedding party
* what previous experience the hotel or resort has in planning foreign weddings


Destination weddings can also lead to another joyous celebration: destination anniversaries. Couples who wed on their honeymoon can revisit the very spot where they married and share the memories of that occasion.

Ceremony of Champions

This is a good example of how a ceremony can be written to celebrate any occasion, an accomplishment, or any life-affirming event.

Priscilla (fictitious name) had been through chemo, radiation, a double mastectomy, and reconstructive surgery - and had become cancer free! Her friends and family wanted to celebrate her, her struggles, her life and her victories. They had been there for her, cried, laughed, baked bread, brought food, watched movies, and prayed.

At the same time, all of them had walked through their own fires of hell at some point in their lives, separately and together. In considering such a ceremony, it also caused everyone involved to internally reflect on what they had overcome to achieve their own personal victories in life, and they realized in their hearts that they were all champions, because they had gotten through those challenges and grown from them. They all needed - and deserved - to be appreciated and celebrated! A place was chosen, a date was set. Each person was asked to bring a small symbol of themselves or their accomplishments.

That night, when all were assembled, we opened with a prayer of gratitude for everyone present. One by one, each person in turn came to the “altar” to place their symbol and tell their story. Many tissues were passed among the circle.

We entered into a guided meditation in preparation for the Burning Bowl, to help reveal the next blocks that each person needed to release in order to move on to the next phase of their life. After the meditation, the obstacles were recorded on paper, taken outside, and placed in the fire as a sign of willingness to let go of fears, frustrations, and self criticisms.

The group reassembled, with each person receiving the gift of a candle with a personal message. As each gift was opened, the message was shared, thoughts were shared, hugs were shared. Again, the tissues were passed around the circle.

The ceremony ended with a heartfelt prayer, but the celebration continued with food, drink, and camaraderie!

Life is to live, to experience, and to celebrate.